Today was move in day for my super cool writing program, called the Center for Creative Youth, or, CCY!! So far, I’ve met a few awesome individuals, learned that fancy art camps on college campuses come with a few interesting quirks like centipedes and birth control if needed (sex is allowed?!? So is smoking apparently!), and already drained my social battery! Fun stuff! Tomorrow I start classes and I am genuinely excited for that, so WHOO!!
Going to this camp is a really big deal for me. Two years ago, I was bouncing in and out of the mental hospital. Staying away from home was impossible with my sensory and emotional needs being too great. Now here I am, ready to leave the safe haven of my familiar home and head into the world. It’s a big deal.
Its exciting, but also nerve wracking. What if I can’t handle it emotionally? What if my bug phobia gets too severe in this centipede infested, crazy buggy camp? What if my sensory problems or energy problems or even writers block makes this camp impossible for me to remain at, and I need to take a break at home, or worse, come home permanently? I think I’d hate myself for the rest of time if I had to do that.
But I think the important thing for me, and for any other person leaving home for the first time, is to remember the good things about the new place, rather than focus on my fears. Yes, there might be no air conditioning and yes, there might be serious drains on my social battery. But there is also writing and excitement and independence! And I’ve got the support of my family and therapists behind me, who all think that I can do this.
Leaving home may be scary. Trying new things and new places may seem impossible and terrifying, and maybe you can’t do it right now. But someday you will be able to. Someday, the good things about the place will outweigh your fears. It’s not impossible. Nothing is impossible. I can do this.
Just, maybe after a good nights sleep first.